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Monistat
1:17 a.m. on January 22, 2009
Fucking Monistat is fucking acid. That shit burns so bad I almost took my vagina off my body. No, in reality I sat there and tried to hold back the tears. Ok, so I have experienced my first beastly yeasty and it is not well, it’s gone now. Only lasted two days and Monistat burned it away. So what happen was I been eating way to much sugar, and I can say that frosted flakes gave me yeasties. Ugh, it is so nasty thinking about it and disgusting talking about it. However, shit happens. The day before yesterday I had a yeast infection, so this is what happened; I got dressed; I put on a ball cap, a hoody and some shades and went to Wal-mart. I went to the infection isle where all the Neosporin and stuff was, there was no Monistat! Then I went to the pads and tampon section and there is was. It was a whole isle full of anti-fungal stuff. I was standing there in tears thinking God does not like me, and how come my vagina has to have fungus in it? This is so fucking horrid.[ I can’t even believe I’m typing this blog.]
So, I’m standing in the isle and its massive amounts of products I can use to get rid of the beast. Oval inserts, 1 day, 3 day, 7 day, cream, pre filled applicators, triple action, maximum strength, wipes, pills, etc. I mean, this is my first one so all of this is overwhelming to me. I knew what it was immediately, and I knew what caused it, and of course I go to the doctor for every little thing. My doctor doesn’t like me I don’t think, I have her on speed dial and instead of me calling and making an appointment with the assistants, I call her directly. If she liked me she wouldn’t have told me to go get something that would burn the fuck out of my vagina. It felt like somebody was trying to flat iron my fallopian tubes. That bitch doesn’t like me.
Anyway, back to me standing in the isle looking and just staring because I had no idea what to freaking buy. I was tempted to call my doctor, but I had waited all day until about 11 pm hoping that it was so late that no one would be in the store to see me buy some anti-pussy- fungal- cream or see me put that shit in my basket. So embarrassing!
As long as it’s taking me to get to what I actually brought is about as long as it took me to pick a damn product. I ended up buying Monistat 7 variety pack. Like I said this was my first one so I needed to have options because I couldn’t decide on the oval inserts, the prefilled applicators or the cream stuff. This variety pack came with cool wipes, outside vagina cream, inside vagina cream, applicators; oval pill looking thingy’s that look like Norforms and a big instruction pamphlet. Seriously, I couldn’t have picked anything more confusing. I tried to find the ugliest cashier to ring me up. God forbid there be a fine handsome man standing in line or IS the checker while I’m in there trying to heal my vagina. I practically threw the money at the cashier. She couldn’t ring me up any faster so I could run to the comfort of my car.
So, I took a shower and got all clean and smelling good and then sat on my bed reading the pamphlet for about 20 minutes before deciding to go with the cream and the applicator because it looked like a tampon, and I know how to use tampons and the association was just more comforting than me sticking some big gumball up my fungus filled punani. [If you think this is gross why the fuck are you still reading my shit?] Ok so I inserted put on a panty liner and got in bed. Man, as soon as I got in the bed I started feeling this tingling sensation that progressed to a burning sensation, that progressed to me wanting to have a dick for the remainder of my life on earth. I shot straight out the bed and was standing in the mirror looking at myself thinking my uterus was going to fall off any minute. It burned so bad, the pain I felt from the Monistat was far worst, 10x worst then the mere discomfort I felt from the yeast infection. I rather wait out the infection than to ever use Monistat again.
I’m all better now and my yeasty beast is gone. Good riddance.
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Hello Readers, Thanks for coming to my blog. I expect lot's of comments! I have had this blog since 2003, and sometimes I wonder why I started it. Everything I write here is from my personal experience; things I find interesting, and my personal opinions on what's going on in the world. If you are offended easily this is not the blog for you. You are welcome to stay as long as you like as long as you respect my personal space. Don't make me act "ethnic". That will be all.